


Dave: panic

by LexxieKra



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Transstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexxieKra/pseuds/LexxieKra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please do more and have the next chapter with bro helping him and explaining why he was upseT!!! ooh and then turn it into davejohn fluff were Dave goes to a new school were no one knows hes a she! It would be awesome and I would read the shit out of it!</p>
<p>Thank you Allie!<br/>Ive never written johndave before, don't kill me</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dave: panic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allie/gifts).



It’s almost three am and you're standing in the bathroom, angry at the silent tears that streak out from under your aviators. Trying to take deep breaths around the knot that had formed in your chest and stomach. you leaned against the counter and stared yourself down in the mirror, You had long, blonde hair that fell in messy curls down to your shoulders, frowning as you straightened when you could see the bump of your chest through your t-shirt. gripping the sink for support, you slid off your shades and smiled weakly at the red glare of your eyes. You thought, ironically enough, that it was the only normal thing about you. You cursed as more tears came, groping around until you found the drawer under the sink, you wretched it open and grabbed the silver scissors that rested there, Running your fingers through your hair, you raise the scissors and cut off a long stripe, leaving a short, awkward angle cut in it’s place. The knot inside you lessened slightly, and it did so more with each cut you made, blonde hair falling to the floor around you. By the time you had finished cutting it all off, you felt it much easier to breathe. You ran your fingers through the short, messily cut hair and smiled so hard it hurt your entire face. You started cleaning up the long tendrils of hair that where on the floor when you heard the front door open and close, the jingle of keys hitting the table letting you know it was bro.   
“You up sis?” he called, the light on in the bathroom answering him. Knocking once, he cracked open the door. The knot was back, and you felt like you were hyperventilating. Bro took in the sight of you, in pajamas, no shades, face covered in drying tears, and the sloppy, messy angles of your hair. You instantly dropped the pieces of fallen hair and put your hands on your head, trying to hide your hair and willing him to go away. He stepped forward and batted your hands away, which you let fall to your sides, face as red as your eyes, you wished you had your shades on. He sighed and cupped your head gently, turning it so he could look at the hair cut, stepping back, he smiled at you.   
“I think we can salvage this, remind me to never let you cut my hair” he tried to joke, but you were still too terrified to find the humour. He turned you towards the mirror, picking up the scissors where you had laid them and he started cutting, evening out the awkward angles. After a few minutes, he was almost done.  
“So...Bro?” he asked gently, you just nodded, he finished and directed you to look in the mirror. Glancing up, the knot dissolved and you felt a swell of happiness. He had evened it out and it looked really good. You turned around and hugged him, laughing. He returned the hug, patting you on the head.   
“Looks good little man” he said, you smiled again and as you two broke apart, he helped you clean up the fallen hair and you grabbed your shades. Putting them in your room, you grabbed your blanket and burritoed yourself on the couch, bro appearing again a few minutes later carrying a bottle of apple juice, orange juice, and two plates of pizza.   
“So, Bro” you start, but he held up his hand as he took a bite  
“We’ll work out the rest later, eat up and get some rest, lil man, you look like hell” he replied through a mouth full of pizza. You knew you looked like shit, you had barely slept all month. Scarfing down the pizza and juice, you laid down on your end of the couch and within minutes, began the best sleep you had in months. 

you were still in shock at the ease that Bro had accepted what had happened, it was not how you imagined that conversation going at all, and while he was comfortable with it, you still tiptoed around him. Currently you were buried under your blankets despite the southern heat, worrying about how school was going to go, because the first person who called you Dove was getting a face full or knuckles. You jumped when there was a sharp rap at your door, sitting up you called out and were surprised when Bro opened the door slowly, he stepped in, several bags in one hand and a square wrapped mail package in the other.   
“What’s up?” you asked, he began setting the bags down on your bed, handing the package directly to you. You sat on the edge of your bed and he stiffly set down in your computer chair, it seemed like he had been tiptoeing around you too.   
“So” you stated, his expression didn’t change, but you had been around him enough that you could feel the tension he was holding. he flicked his eyes down to the box, which you're began to open. Inside was a tanktop made of this heavy but thin fabric, you looked up at Bro who was staying completely still, you wondered briefly he was even breathing.  
“So you know what transgender is” you began, Bro sighed and looked like he had deflated,   
“yeah, I know about it, and relax kid it’s okay, shit happens” if anyone asked about this moment later on in your life, you deny crying, there were no tears whatsoever, this was a total tear free bro moment, but no, you felt the tears fill your eyes and you tried to blink them away, but they came anyway. You set the binder aside and used the sleeve of your shirt to wipe at the annoying emotion water.   
“so what now?” he asked, leaning back in the chair he ran a hand through his hair,   
“In terms of?” you hiccuped, trying to get control of your breathing again  
“name change, all the legal shit, medical shit, what do you wanna do about school, cause i ain't homeschooling your ass” he smiled at you and you laughed, hating how high pitched the laugh was but you relaxed more.   
“Dave, I wanna be called Dave” you watched him turn the name over in his mind, like he was connecting the name and your face together.   
“and I wanna get everything done, Hormones, eventually surgery, and school oh god” you flopped back on your bed and covered your face with your hands.   
“we can move, if you wanna start over” you shot back into your sitting position and stared and Bro  
“seriously?” he scratched the back of his neck and crossed his arms over his chest  
“yeah, I can work anywhere, and it seems like it would be easier to start new then try and change eleven years worth of schools mind” You continued to stare at him, waiting for the just kidding, but he stared back, waiting for an answer  
“ye..yeah, okay” you nodded, not even phased by the small stutter  
“okay, think it over, pick a spot, i’ll go get the paperwork and shit, have fun” he fluffed up your messy hair as he passed, nodding at the bags on his last words before shutting the door. you peaked into the bag closest to you and found a pile of clothes, you pulled them out one by one, excitement growing with each item, the next two bags also contained male clothes, and then the final bag was filled with manly things, including spray and deodorant and several packages of boxers. you made sure your door was shut before scrambling out of your clothes and pulling on a new pair of boxers before getting yourself tangled in your binder..twice.. but eventually it was settled on your chest, flattening it to match the skinniness of the rest of your torso, it also did well to hide the curves of your hips. You pulled jeans and a red and white baseball tee form the bags and slid them on, slipping your glasses on your face, you felt all the air freeze in your throat when you caught sight of yourself in mirror. Aside from the softness of your face, you wouldn’t know you if you weren’t you. The clothes did a good job of hiding your feminine body and your chest was flat no matter when way you angled. you even moved around in it, making sure it was comfortable to wear, after ten minutes you forgot you were even wearing it. You were just returning to the mirror to look again when your phone started ringing, with horror and the know reforming in your stomach when you seen that the screen was filled with A selfie of you and Rose from last Christmas. You didn’t want to talk to your sister, you muted your phone and flipped it over so you couldn't see the screen. you hadn’t even thought of the rest of your family. Shit. 

~~

Bro came back almost an hour later, double taking for effect when he seen you sitting on the couch  
“Hey Dave” you felt electricity run through you at the proper name, he sat down beside you with a file full of papers.   
“what’s up?”  
you picked at non existent strings on the futon, not wanting to look at him  
“what are we gonna tell the others?” Bro snorted and you felt your face heat up  
“no wait, not like that, i guarantee you it will be fine, they were cool with Roxy” your head whipped up in confusion.   
“Roxy?” still confused about your older sister fit into this situation.   
“yeah, I suppose she wanted to tell you but cats out now, Roxy transitioned when she was real young, around the time you was bein born” Bro did some quick math in his head before nodding  
“yeah, around that time, so that’s why you don’t remember it, I can tell them if you wan” You were still staring slack jawed at your brother  
“Roxy, like our roxy, like threw up on the thanksgiving turkey roxy?” you weren’t even phased by the fact that your voice raised with the question. Bro laughed and assured you, yeah the one and only. Flipping open the folder, he pulled out a couple papers and set the rest down on the table  
“we can change your name here, but we can’t change the gender marker in Texas without you getting surgery, we can, however, without surgery in” he glanced down at a piece of paper in his hands  
“Washington or florida” he looked back up at you, you debated the options  
“Washington”   
“Alright, let’s get your name and shit done and we can do the rest later” 

so there it was, three weeks later, You and Bro were finishing putting everything into a u-haul. Closing it, you glanced one more time at the building you had lived in your whole life, you didn’t really have that many friends in Houston, but that hadn’t stopped Sollux from stopping by. completely unphased by your sudden change of appearance and news of moving, he fist bumped you and wished you the best of luck, sliding you a copy of pokemon for the road.   
You got into the truck and waited for Bro, as had become a habit for comfort you ran your fingers over the envelope that held your new name changed papers. David Levi Strider. Bro climbed into the truck and pulled away, you waved goodbye to the apartment building. You settled in and started in on that pokemon game, and you bet your ass Pikachu is the best starter pokemon. You fell asleep, Bro waking you up for stops for food and bathroom, or when Bro finally gave in to the need for sleep, the two of you finding the nearest hotel and crashing the hell out.   
Several days later you were unpacking shit in your new apartment, Bro suddenly facing the conflict of having two bedrooms, you both were unpacking your various rooms, you had stopped to take a break and stretch, the binder made your shoulders kind of sore, when there was knock at the door. You Opened the door as Bro was just coming into the living room, outside the door stood a very fatherly man, dressed in crisp, clean suit clothes, He held a large cake in his hands, frosted with white and blue. Bro came up behind you and greeted the man, who introduced himself as Robert, and his son John, you hadn’t noticed standing slightly behind his father. The kid looked close to your age, with insanely blue eyes, crazy hair and slightly buck teeth. He peaked around his dad to look at you when Bro introduced you and him and Derrick and Dave, Brothers. You smiled inwardly, Bro let them inside to have some of the cake they brought over, it was a little awkward until you took a bite of the cake, which was literally heaven in your mouth  
“this is the best cake i’ve ever had” you said around a mouthful of cake, John laughed and turned his attention to the “ironic” family photos on the wall, which had been one of the first boxes unpacked  
“is that your sister?” he asked, gesturing at a photo of you and Bro from last year visiting mall santa last year, it was the only picture with you as a girl you would let Bro put up, and you grew to regret that as the cake suddenly became cement in your throat  
“yeah, that’s Rose” Bro smiled awkwardly, glancing at you behind his shades. you relaxed slightly, but you had lost your appetite and suddenly needed to drink your entire glass of milk. Bro and as you nicknamed him, Dadbert hit it off well and ended up sitting at the table for a long time talking while you and John wandered off to set up your xbox and play some games, John turned out to be terrible at most of the games at first, and then you popped in Call of Duty, a game which you had played a lot, and watched in horror as John absolutely kicked your ass at the game. After his fifteenth head shot kill on you stared at him, he laughed at your expression of confused surprise.   
“John, how the hell did you…?” he shrugged and downed the rest of his soda, Dadbert appeared in the doorway and told John he was going home, and he could return whenever. It was nearly midnight by the time you and John were finishing up video games, Bro had came in an hour before with pizza and a twelve pack of soda, which you and john had gone almost entirelyentirely through. John had talked you into hanging out at his house tomorrowtomorrow, he was having friends over and he wanted you to meet them, it took a lota lot of convincing butbut eventually you agreed, the thought of meeting a large amount of people at once turning your stomach a little. You struggled to fall asleep until Bro came in your room and told you he could hear you fidgetingfidgeting in his room. Bro flopped on the bed next to you and folded his hands on his stomach, you both laidlaid there for a minute, just staring at your ceiling before Bro broke the quiet  
“It won’t be that bad” he nudged you with his arm, trying to get you to talk.   
“I know, but that doesn’t make me less worried”  
“I know. Next week everyone’s flying in” he reached up and scratched at the stubble on his chin  
“he’s a pretty cute kid, you two got along good” You rolled your eyes and scooted away from Bro  
“yeah, and everything about him screams “NO HOMO”” you made air quotesquotes around the term and Bro sat up, thought for a minute before shoving something under your pillow and stepping towards the door.   
“Get some sleep” he shut the door behind him. you peeked under the pillow and found a folded piece of paper, opening it you found a photo, it was shopped, you could tell because it was a recent picture of you and Bro, but instead of the long hair and dress you wore that day, you were shown with jeans and a hoodie, and your hair was as short as it now. You smiled and stared at the picture for several long minutes before propping it up on the other side of your pillow so you stare at it still, enjoying the pride swelling in your chest. You fell asleep staring at yourself in the picture, nerves about tomorrowtomorrow slowly melting away.  
~~  
You did not realize John had so many friends, When you arrived, John was on the couch between two dark skinned and dark haired people, a girl and a boy, both screaming at each other. There were two Irish sounding guys in the kitchen chatting it up with Dadbert, a girl with red hair twisted into dreads was deep in conversation with a girl who had sharp, green streaked hair. John jumped up when he seen you, introducingintroducing you to his group of friends who all waved, You learned the two screamers where Jade and Jake, cousins, The irish guys were brothers, Eridan and Cronus, The red hair was Aradia, and the other was Kanaya. ApparentlyApparently more people were due to arrive, but Dadbert was supposed to direct them upstairs. you all piled up the stairs of john'sjohn's apartment and into his room, which was filled with posters of movies, most of which you had thought were terrible, but you quickly learned his movie taste was not nearly as bad as Jake’s. who liked every movie. ever. you ended up on the floor next to Aradia and Kanaya, the three of you getting along well. Dadbert brought up all kinds of food throughout the day, only three more people came, Karkat, Nepeta, and Tavros, you learned their names as they came through the door, Karkat pushing Tavros’s wheelchair into the room before settling down in front of the boys legs. By everyone’s surprise, there was even a brief visit of John’s older sister, Jane. John went to open his closet and several people screamed and tried to dodge when the closet door opened to reveal hundred of water balloonsballoons. hundreds. no one was safe, you all got wet as the closet emptied the balloons, so did a lota lot of john’s closer stuff. You heard a sharp laughter in the hallway before a plump girl with a pixie cut peeked into the room, blew a kiss, and stole one of the trays of food, laughing down the hallway as she went. Everyone changed into pajamas after that, you, without knowing it was a sleep over, had neglected to bring any. John offered you a pair of his, but you only lived a floor up. heading up the stairs to your apartment, Bro turned around in his desk chair and raised his eyebrows when he saw that you were wet.   
“went swimming?” you ignored him and went to your room, pulling on clean pants before freezing, you couldn’t sleep in your binder, but you also couldn’t take the risk of not binding around these people. You shuffled back out to the main room and asked Bro for one of his shirts, he nodded to his closet and you pulled out a my little pony t shirt, which was extremelyextremely baggy on you. You wore two sports bras underneath the shirt, and it would have to do. Heading back to john’s, you stopped to grab a good movie of two, shuddering at the taste of films your friends had. When you returned, Aradia, Kanaya and Karkat were no where to be found, Tavros was asleep in a pokemon sleeping bag on the floor, John, Jade, Eridan and Cronus were passing a bag of chips back and forth on the couch in the living room, you shuffled over and dropped down next to Cronus, who glancedglanced over at you before putting you in the chip rotation by handing you the bag. You grabbed a handful and passed the bag back, munching on them as the blonde protagonistprotagonist of the movie was being hit on by the villainvillain, the two unknowing who the other was. You rolled your eyes behind your shades, you could make better movies in your sleep. You laugh to yourself, maybe that'sthat's what you should do when you'reyou're older. You stretched your arms over your head and jumped as the front door opened and the missing party members entered and piled onpiled on or around the couch. Standing and wandering into the kitchen, Dadbert was just putting things away and was on his way out when you entered  
“Dave, did you need anything?”   
“I was just gonna get a soda” you replied a little awkwardly, Dadbert was way too nice sometimes, he waved to the fridge with a help yourself as he clambered up the stairs. A shutting door let you know he was going to bed, John came in a few minutes later.   
“You okay Dave, we’re about to start another movie” John said, also grabbing a soda out of the fridge  
“yeah i’ll be back in a minute” John shuffled off back to the main room filled with argumentsarguments over what movie should be watched next, you came in just as the title screen for Ghostbusters came on. The only two that looked excited were Jake and John, you wedged yourself in betweenin between Cronus and Jade, the latter of whom was already falling asleep. You followed suit as the the movie droned on, failing to hold your attention in the slightest. Maybe this place wasn’t so bad.  
~~  
Several weeks had passed and with the looming threat of a new school starting, you were getting more and more anxious. The only Detriment to that is one day after John went home, you had just flopped down on the couch when Bro dropped an envelope on your lap. Looking up at him, you opened up and slid out the papers, still confused, you read the text, it was just your basic information from a courthouse except nestled at the top with your name, where there was once a glaring F now sat a printed M. You glanced between Bro and the rest of the papers, sure enough, you were now legally a male. You laughed and thankfully didn’t cry, but you got up and hugged the shit out of Bro. But as that day passed and led you to now, two days before school, and you were sitting at john’s house playing video games with John, Jade, Cronus and Kanaya. Honestly they were a ragtag group of friends but you had really grown to like them, even if you did find yourself feeling a little more than friendship for john. But the guy literally oozed “no homo” so you tried to push it back down as you entered John’s kitchen to refill the popcorn bowl. Cronus Breezed past you humming some tune as he dove into the fridge  
“what are you singing” he looked up and shrugged  
“I have no idea, i think it’s the background music from the game” he handed you a soda as he popped the tab on his, leaning against the counter beside you. The two of you stood in silence and watched the bag jump with each popping kernel before he glanced towards the doorway and leaned in closer to you. Your heart jumped a little in panic, too many years with Bro you guess.  
“Hey, it’s none of my business if you don’t want it to be, but if anyone at school fucks with you, let me know” he pulled back and clapped your shoulder as he walked away, he muttered to you   
“Us trans guys gotta stick together” you stared after him as he, built like a house he was, practically glided back into the living room and instantly rejoined conversation. You stared so long you forgot about the popcorn. you ended up burning the bag and was officially and forever banned from snack duty.   
A few hours later you were in john's room while he said goodbye to the rest of your friends, he came in and instantly flung himself onto his bed face first. He giggled and rolled over and patted the spot beside him, You flushed a little and planted yourself beside him.   
“Hey Dave, can I ask you something?” John asked suddenly, sitting up and leaning back against the wall. You felt a knot form in your stomach and you turned towards him  
“yeah man what’s up” John stared at you and worried his lower lip with his teeth, as if thinking hard. He started a sentence and then backed up and started again  
“why do you wear the shades?” he eventually asked, you laughed a little as you felt the tension leave you  
“because i got killer eyes, my eyes are rad weapons” you made some ridiculous hand gesture and John laughed, but he leaned forward a little  
“what color are your eyes?” he leaned in different directions, trying to see around your shades  
“the awesome color” you yelped as John tackled you off the bed and into the floor, switching between tickling you and trying to get your shades, which you thankfully managed to keep away from him and remain firmly on your face, but by the time he had finished torturing you, your chest was heaving and you really regretted having a binder on. John had lost his glasses in the fray and he now hovered above you, panting and giggling, You stared up at him, wondering what the wheels turning in his head were planning when his eyes glanced down to your mouth. Before you had a word out, John had leaned down and pressed his lips against yours in a sloppy and kinda toothy kiss. You didn’t kiss back because of the surprise but he pulled back, Frowning and scowling off you, stammering apologies  
“Im sorry i don’t know why i did that” he hid his face in his hands and your heart did a funny thing, you scooted over to him and sat in front of him.  
“John, it’s not like that, I do like you, and yeah, even like that” John peeked from under his fingers at you, Blue met red through a pair of aviators and your heart did the funny thing again. You ran a hand through your hair  
“I’m not, like you think i am though” you started, not sure how to explain it without getting mad  
“So, you’re not gay?” John asked awkwardly  
“I don’t know, i’ve never really thought about it, but i did like kissing you, it’s just” you floundered for words and in the back of your mind you gave yourself a mental pap from Cronus for that fish joke.   
“John, I’m transgender” you started, filling out the abbreviation in case he didn’t know what that was  
“oh, like, ooh what’s her name, she’s one of dad’s favorites.” he thought hard for a minute as you just sat there completely puzzled by his reaction.   
“Laverne Cox!” John snapped his fingers and you traced your mental map of celebrities until you remembered her.  
“Kinda, except reversed, I was born a girl, but i’m not a girl..” you shrugged and picked at a spot on your jeans.  
“that’s so cool, and it sounds terrifying, but that’s really cool, i’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me”  
“So, egbert, does this mean you want to pretend that gay moment back there didn’t happen?” You picked harder at the spot on your jeans, John scooted closer to you and your breath hitched a little  
“actually Dave, if it’s alright with you, i wanna do it again” this time you couldn’t hide the blush as You and John both leaned forward and soft lips met soft lips again, the kiss was better this time, sweeter, less surprise and less rushed. John ran a hand through your hair before coming to rest against the back of your head, holding you there while you two made out. You broke the kiss briefly only to shift so John was snuggled against you before bringing your mouth back to his. The sweet, slow makeout session lasted for several more minutes before the two of you broke apart and rested forehead to forehead, panting softly. John stood up and tugged you up too, and pulled you towards the bed  
“Egbert Woah little fast” you held up your hands and he blushed at the accusation  
“Not what I meant Dave” he slid under the covers and held them up for you, you slid under them too, and John snuggled back up to you, his head on your shoulder and one hand holding yours.   
“So are we dating now?” you whisper to him, still waiting for the big ‘just kidding’, but John just smiled and pressed a kiss against your cheek  
“i’d like that” The two of you fell silent in comfortableness and you had just started to drift off when John laughed followed by a sigh  
“Dave, we left the light on” So you wormed your way out of the warmth of the egbert bed and flicked off the lights, taking a moment of bravery and also you hated sleeping in jeans to kick them off and slid back in, wearing your shirt and boxers. John cuddled back up and you wrapped your arms around him, kissing him on the head before falling asleep to the steady calm of his breathing. Yeah, maybe this place wasn’t so bad.


End file.
